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This is one of the most common questions that we’re asked … how do I deal with my non-vegan partner and children?
What do you say?? How do you even approach the topic when your partner isn’t even open to talking about veganism??
And what about kids who refuse to eat vegan food?
So many questions, so many options … let’s get into it!
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References
Episode 020: Do You Suffer From
Episode 004: Ask TVC – Our Relationship, Divorce, and Making Each Other Better … it’s a Long Story!
Bite Size Vegan – Kid’s videos playlist
Best Speech You Will Ever Hear – Gary Yourofsky (the speech that turned us both vegan)
Use meetup.com to find (or set up) vegan meet up groups in your area
[Also search for vegan groups in your area on Facebook]
Vegan family YouTube channel
Instrumental music produced by Chuki
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I love the podcasts so much!!! This was a truly difficult one, and I find myself agreeing with every thing you said. When I went vegan, I immediately told my partner, because when I get excited, it’s all I can talk about. I was all over him like “omg omg omg I just read things that blew my mind” basically. But I know that just a week before I was talking to him about how a person needs milk crucially, and I was on the protein powder band wagon, telling him about all the “research” on the dairy and healthy bones yada yada yada. So I knew, that to him my veganism sounded like just another “phase”. Which was totally my fault. I do make all the food so I asked and he agreed that we no longer will eat animal products in the house, but when he eats lunch at work, or when we go out to a restaurant, he is free to choose what he wants. Asian restaurants are great for that! I remember him saying “I’m happy for you, you sound really excited and you have my full support, but I will never go vegan”. Of course I didn’t judge, because I knew he was thinking that only because he did not have the information that I did. So, what I did was: 1. Started cooking new food (obviously). And I never had an attitude of “oh, now I can’t have this and that…”. It was the opposite – “LOOK AT ALL THESE THINGS I CAN HAVE!”. Before going vegan, I did not even notice the vegetarian section of the grocery shop! Now, I would cook new and exciting foods for us, so I brought out the tofu, the meat substitutes, and we were like “oooooh what is that??? Hm, how interesting!”. I would find vegan icecream and bring that home, like “omg they are making ice cream from soy, wtf??? Let’s see what this is!” and every thing like that was just new, unheard of, and EXCITING. Also, when we would go to a restaurant, Asian, I would always get something with tofu, and we both love Asian food so much, and he would get the chicken. And the chicken is really not very tasty, so he would have his, taste mine, and was always saying how mine was better. I think this was very important. Just proving that vegan food is BETTER than animal foods. I did not make the same recipes as I used to before going vegan, I made them all new, and made sure they were the bomb. 2. I would not push him to talk to me, because my integrity on the health aspect was lost, since I was preaching dairy just a week ago. Instead, I would make random comments about animal exploitation and how weird the world is and how I never realized it. So it was like I’m saying it to him, but also to myself, just pondering. Never pushed him to agree with me, sometimes he would respond, sometimes just say nothing and think to himself. Like “have you ever thought how weird is it that we take a skin of an animal and cover ourselves in it in the form of a shoe, or a glove…? Serial killers sometimes do that with their victims and everyone agrees that they are batshit crazy but here we are…. Or, I never had a moment to think how cows only produce milk because they gave birth to a baby? Like women, who produce milk for human babies… We drink cows milk, but we cringe at the idea of dogs milk… It’s mind blowing how we do things just because they were indoctrinated to us, isn’t it?” 3. I waited to find that vegan information that would hit home for him. It took around 2 months, but I finally found a video on youtube of Dr. Greger and his 1 hour long presentation on 16 leading causes of death. This was it, because my partner is very science driven, and he always asks for proof. That hour long video was full of facts and proof and research. And I never forced anything on him, but with this I was very open and told him how I want him to know this information about health, I am asking only one hour from his life to dedicate to hearing what I heard and what had changed my entire life. This is important and I am just asking to sit and listen for one hour. “I truly believe you will enjoy it based on how I know your personality, the speaker is actually funny so it is not a boring video, it’s engaging and full of research in the best way possible.” He agreed thinking it will not change his mind, but he will have done what I asked because he loves me, but at the end of the day he simply did not know that there exists such information out there that could change his mind. It’s like, you can’t even guess it, because it was so carefully hidden from you, so your imagination can only go so far thinking maybe it’s gonna tell me how a vegetable has more vitamins than meat…. so what? So you really have to listen, because it will blow your mind. So anyway, he listens, and tells me “alright. I have no argument against it. I mean…. I would be an idiot to not go vegan. Why would I ever consume things that are killing me when there is plentiful of food to choose from.” And he is vegan ever since. I truly think it only happened because he is smart, and because he cared enough about me to see what I wanted to show him. That respect that you were talking about. And it was never about forcing it on him, it was about me also loving him so much and wanting him to be healthy and support each other and go through this together.
WOW!!! What a comment!! Thank you so much for taking the time to write it and to share your fantastic story with others who will no doubt be inspired!
You are amazing, if only everyone had your common sense approach, we’d have so many more vegans in the world today ❤️
Grow some balls Luca. Sad to see feminine/masculine roles reversed. Must be the phytoestrogens in the soy.
You’ve made our day Glenn… considering you think phytoestrogens in soy are feminizing, you’re clearly not a vegan and therefore we’re so happy to know that our podcast is reaching a non-vegan audience! Thank you. And now, a few words from the woman of the house… Hi Glen, here’s a tip for you, when you do decide to emerge from your 1950’s cave, you might have a bit more luck with the old cookie jar if you leave that chauvinistic attitude behind. In fact when you actually get near a cookie jar Glenn, that’s when you’ll need to grow some and use them. Thanks for listening 🙂
You guys always come from a good place and look to help people, thank you for sharing your ideas. As a parent I feel bad that I gave my children murdered animals to eat as they were growing up, as the saying goes ‘ if only I knew then what I know now ‘ if I’d known then about veganism, my children wouldn’t have been allowed animal products, I wouldn’t have given them a choice, they would eat what they were given and I would educate them on the why eg. health, ethics and environment. As a parent you want to instill good behaviour in your children, we enforce rules about respect, justice and compassion to our children, so it makes no sense to allow them to eat animals when we don’t have to to survive. I was brainwashed for all those years and it took my son to enlighten me about Veganism. Like you say, there are so many ways to encourage people to go vegan, because we all have different ideas and opinions, we are a complex species with lots of different personalities and cultures. I went vegan for ethical reasons, my eldest for health reasons, my youngest for the environment and my husband Tom because he would’ve starved to death if he hadn’t come on board with me ? Now all four of us consider the ethical reason for veganism as a moral base for veganism. As you say, Veganism isn’t the most we can do, it’s the least we can do ✌️
Thank you Brenda xo It must be so wonderful to have a vegan family… the two boys and even hubby (haha, Tom’s a fast learner… adapt or die!) Yes the old ‘if only I knew then what I know now’ … that would be hard as a parent, but all we can do is look to the future and let the past go. hehe, yep, it’s the least we can do ? xx
Hello TVC! I’ve been with the same guy for the longest time. The relationship is great and so is he. I left him 3 years ago, i turned vegan this year, then we got back together. However, this time was different, he’s always had plans for the future but this time I was.. nervous. He’s a body builder & is totally brainwashed into the whole protein myth & chicken breasts, it drives me mad. He respects that I’m vegan & says that the vegan cookie jar is better but says that he’ll never go vegan because of ‘gains’ but he’s open to watching the documentaries so fingers crossed. He has always wanted to get married and start a family, but now that I put it into perspective, kids overwhelm me & I after listening to your podcast I realised that I wouldn’t want to conceive with a non vegan parter. So as soon as I finished he podcast + watching Okja, I let him know and I told him that I don’t want to kill the animals (I turned vegan for health & never cared for the animals, but knowing I wasn’t contributing to their suffering made me sleep better at night) and he thought I had gone mad! He had genuinely never heard that in his life. Your podcast made me put things into perspective and made me think realistically. I do not want to conceive with my non vegan partner knowing that they would feed my children animal products. I’m hoping that he watches the documentaries & makes the connection. Thank you TVC, I’ve never had the conversation with him but I felt obligated to, I even threatened him with the cookie jar which proved very effective haha. You really turned my feelings into words!
I would love to hear a podcast on your opinion on children, thanks again!
Wow, that’s incredible timing… we’re so glad you enjoyed listening to this episode!! Thank you SO MUCH for speaking up, speaking your truth, and standing your ground… it’s so very important. haha, the cookie jar was brought up as well!! Glad it was effective ? There is a wonderful documentary film coming out in 2018 called The Game Changers …it’s about vegan bodybuilders and James Cameron is the executive producer! THAT film will be the game changer for your partner, we just know it 😉 As for our opinion on children… well, we made a YouTube video years ago about why we chose to have a vasectomy and not have children … and it might be something we speak about in the future, but it’s SUCH a delicate topic and very hard to navigate! Thanks so much for listening and we’re very glad that this episode has helped you. x
Thank you so much for the podcast. This topic came in perfect timing! I am vegan and my partner is omni and we are talking about having a baby. My partner understands veganism but he wouldnt get out of his way to make the change. He does not want us to raise the child vegan because he says that he doesnt want to experiment with a childs life and is affraid that the child will not fit in society and will end up frustrated and marginalized( where we live veganism is growing very slowly unfortunately). My heart is broken and i am very very scared of the future. The struggle is real.
On a more positive note, please keep making the podcasts and any other form of activism so that we can turn the world vegan faster. Thank you!
This is so horrible to hear … your partner is willing to put your child at risk of developing heart disease, diabetes, some forms of cancer, and other diseases, just because he wants the child to fit in???!! By the time that child grows up, veganism will be what’s considered normal! There will come a time when people eating dead animals will be marginalized. Please, please, don’t bring another child into this world under those circumstances ? No matter how much activism we do, or how many activists there are, we will always be outnumbered if people continue to raise children eating animals. Thank you for listening x
Hi guys! I really enjoy both your podcast and youtube videos- they’re really great and informative about veganism. I’m not totally vegan at the moment, but I’m trending that way slowly (its hard to do in college in Michigan!) and you guys have really helped me along the way! Although, it hasn’t been too hard because I’m Indian so the majority of my diet has been clean plant foods for my whole life. Anyways, there’s a topic that’s kind of been eating away at me for a while… it’s animal research. I’m a science student at university and one of things we have to do is biomedical research and it often involves animals- my research involves mice specifically. What do you guys think about animal research from a vegan standpoint? I’m a little bit torn because of course the worst part about my job was when I had to do anything that might hurt/kill the mice, but I also know that it’s impossible to test/observe immune or other physiological responses if you don’t have a live organism. For more context, I work in a brain tumor research lab where we’re trying to find a cure or more effective treatment for glioblastomas (the most aggressive form of brain cancer). Does doing animal research mean I can’t be vegan? I know these are both broad questions about a somewhat controversial topic, but I’d love to hear your thoughts on this (maybe even on an ask TVC podcast?). Thanks a lot!
Hi Maithi, thank you very much for your support of our podcast and YouTube channel, we really appreciate it 🙂 This playlist of 4 videos by Bite Size Vegan summarizes our position as vegans regarding animal testing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOJk1dKD-lc&list=PLmIqdlomtuStawcuPUzgtZP1mtRaR-81S
Hey guys! Love your podcasts so much (I literally listen to some twice over – I’m a freak!). Anyway, I was wondering if in one of the podcasts Luca could discuss how he over-came the pressure to conform to the hyper-masculine stereotype who eats a disgusting amount of meat to maintain a masculine reputation. I appreciate men have a harder time going vegan because they don’t want to seem non-masculine, or as though they care (which duh obviously men have feelings too). It would be interesting to gain his perspective. Also this explains why there is a big difference in numbers between male and female vegans – female vegans are much more common because it’s socially acceptable for women to care. Love your podcasts again 😛 xxx
Thanks so much for your wonderful support of our podcast Vanessa, we really appreciate it! What a great podcast topic idea, thank you, we’ll certainly consider it 🙂
Thank you so much for this podcast, this has been very helpful to me and I hope and pray I can start to apply your suggestions to me and my boyfriends life! I am vegan , however my boyfriend is not he definitely has the curiosity but not the drive, however we can work on it together 😁❤️
We’re very happy to hear that this episode has been helpful to you, and thank you for listening and commenting.
Shopping for meat is very hard for me and then I have to clean it and season then cook it for the rest of my family. There is no understanding in my household for the room for discussion. I hate cleaning the “raw smelling” dishes after my family eats from them. There is no support for me from them. They do not want to watch the documentary’s or hear the information that made me turn vegan. They say they “love nature and animals” but then they turn around and eat them… I do not understand. They seem to think they can’t live healthy without the meat. I do not know how to make them see the difference. So, in the end, I just buy, clean, cook then wash all that “meat”. Yuck, makes me sick. I do not know any other vegans, I alone in this life change.
Hi Cher, thank you for listening and commenting. We understand what a challenging situation this must be for you. Most vegans are also the only vegans in their families too. We would recommend perhaps listening to this episode again in case you missed any tips or suggestions that might help you choose to not buy or cook animal products for your family and, potentially, not even allow other family members to bring them into your home. As challenging as it may be, ultimately nobody can force you to buy or cook animal products, and we are morally obligated to not needlessly pay others to kill innocent animals who don’t want to die. After all, going vegan is the least we can do.
Hi guys! I envy your relationship, you guys are awesome! I became vegan 11 months ago but my partner is not vegan, he also has a child that stays with us quiet often. How can I be part of an education I don’t accept and how can I not tell the truth when the child asks me a question? I love my partner but I’m having lots of doubts on how we can continue this relationship based on total different ethics. He is open minded and listens to me, I can share my feelings with him and he is also willing to read as much as he can to make a more informed decision. I don’t think he will ever go vegan even if he is open to know about it, what will you do in this case? Will you continue a relationship in which you know there is little hope for him to become vegan? Can you really spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t share such a big ethic and value? I’m also an activist so I’m exposed to veganism a little more then I was at first when I was a passive vegan. We also argue a lot about this because we start talking but always end up in a heated discussion.
Hi guys! I envy your relationship, you guys are awesome! I became vegan 11 months ago but my partner is not vegan, he also has a child that stays with us quiet often. How can I be part of an education I don’t accept and how can I not tell the truth when the child asks me a question or mocks me? I love my partner but I’m having lots of doubts on how we can continue this relationship based on total different ethics. He is open minded and listens to me, I can share my feelings with him and he is also willing to read as much as he can to make a more informed decision. I don’t think he will ever go vegan even if he is open to know about it, what will you do in this case? Will you continue a relationship in which you know there is little hope for him to become vegan? Can you really spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t share such a big ethic and value? I’m also an activist so I’m exposed to veganism a little more then I was at first when I was a passive vegan. We also argue a lot about this because we start talking but always end up in a heated discussion.
Hi guys! I envy your relationship, you guys are awesome! I became vegan 11 months ago but my partner is not vegan, he also has a child that stays with us quiet often. How can I be part of an education I don’t accept and how can I not tell the truth when the child asks me a question or mocks me? I love my partner but I’m having lots of doubts on how we can continue this relationship based on total different ethics. He is open minded and listens to me, I can share my feelings with him and he is also willing to read as much as he can to make a more informed decision. I don’t think he will ever go vegan even if he is open to know about it, what will you do in this case? Will you continue a relationship in which you know there is little hope for him to become vegan? Can you really spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t share such a big ethic and value? I’m also an activist so I’m exposed to veganism a little more then I was at first when I was a passive vegan. We also argue a lot about this because we start talking but always end up in a heated discussion.